Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Randomize
