umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I skipped work to stalk him.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Randomize
