allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
