And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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