You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
