i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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