he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I intend to get homeless drunk
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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