How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
