the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
