sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Randomize
