I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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