On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
