God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
