I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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