Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
