If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
