Taylor Swift is so right about you.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
You're earring is so big in my mouth
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
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