I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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