My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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