I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
