I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
