I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
