but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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