I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
