Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
You're completely useless in the revolution.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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