mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
