i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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