I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
