All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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