I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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