WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
