true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
