watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
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