if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Randomize
