Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Randomize
