So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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