Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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