I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
