even my farts smell like vagina
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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