she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
