My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I feel like death gave me a hand job
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
