dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
