He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
You may now shotgun with the bride
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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