i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize