Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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