They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
