What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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