is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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