Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
