his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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