I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
