We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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