I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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