Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
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