My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
