Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
