You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize