I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
