Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i dont even know how to be here
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
