Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
