New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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