No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
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