Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
