I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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