new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
we're making bets on your personal life
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
