people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
