it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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