I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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