Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
