I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize