Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
