I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
