They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
