I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
