I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
