This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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