another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
