sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
