this just has baby written all over it
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize