I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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