Jerry, you need to find god
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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