Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
