i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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