there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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