My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
