Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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