i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
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