8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
we're chasing vodka with high fives
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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