i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
