His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
