Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Randomize
