around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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