I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
