this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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