Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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