Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
