The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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