The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
