Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
