TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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