what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
