i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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