so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
