Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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