If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
