i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
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