she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
