I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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