I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Randomize